First. I don’t feel old. At times I wake up stiff, and I tend to have more pain management problems, but that is because I’m overweight ( working on that) so I won’t bullshit myself on that end. But other than that, I still have to make an effort when I say my age “thirty-five” because I want to say “twenty-five”
I am more mature and I think at times a little too wise for my good, stopping from doing things only because my brain is now prepared for almost every sort of scenario in a given situation, but I’m not stifled. I feel there is so much more to do. I also feel like there is a lot of time. I don’t feel/see the Grim Reaper waiting for me, and thanks to my particular personal faith, have no fear of death either.
I am tired of the usual dumb shit. I do not have the patience for certain things anymore, and I’m much more curt with people than when I was younger. I also expect a certain amount of respect, but not because of my age, but because of years of doing something ( as an artist, teacher, and designer) so in that aspect I do feel the need to have people heed my words.
I’m still a student though, and now I feel there so much cool things to learn projects to jump on, that luckily I pace myself now towards those goals. I don’t have enough pride to not ask a question or to simply respond with “I don’t know”
I’m also loved, being in a long-standing relationship of 10 years, that is still fresh and exciting. We still make each other laugh, we enjoy each others company. We’re not in some weird place where we want to NOT be with each other, it’s the opposite. There are times we can go out to get something, and come back with pangs of needing the other nearby. We can’t be apart for too long. We get weird if we do.
Financially is the one place where I could feel some dissatisfaction, but a part of my brain was already ready for that years ago when I sat down and decided i was going to be an artist. Really, if anything money doesn’t have the same meaning anymore, because I know now that it comes and goes.
I have more Family now, I have many people i love, and others are just interesting to be linked to. When you sit at a table with somebody you HAVE NO BLOODY INTEREST IN AS A PERSON, it shows how crazy family is. And how beautiful.
I have more friends now than ever, some are YEARS in the making since childhood, others are recent to jobs and events, but I appreciate them. I think it’s funny that I’m always referencing someone to others and when they seem to cross paths they almost have this look like “oh this person is real“. Yep I know people.
My one frustration or regret is that many things that I was scared of, before in my youth, I really could wipe my ass with them now. Things I thought were such huge hurdles and obstacles, I now see them as overblown bullshit. Thinking of all the time I spent scared of it, can not help but roll my eyes. Never again. If I’m going to be scared of something, it better be FUCKING SCARY.
So I don’t feel like I’m getting old, but Getting BETTER. I think I’m sharper, I’m kinder, I’m more resilient. I have a better strategy to life, and I’m more stable. There is a lot to improve on, like I mentioned and we have to always accept that change may come, good or bad, and that’s the one constant. The definition of Luck is to be prepared for an unforeseen event and I take that to heart.
I’m most proud of the fact that I’m kinder, and be it in part in my relationship with God, and those around me, but I feel more and more that you need to give back. When you are young and an asshole, well, you’re supposed to be because you’re young and hence, an asshole. Once you truly grow out of it, either by choice, or a by swift kick in the ass, you’ll notice that the most rewarding thing is helping others succeed and helping those in need. Plain and simple.
So for those who believe they are getting old, you’re getting stupid. There is a lot of life to live, be in a day, in a year, or a century, you always have time to get better.