Because fuck you that’s why.
Sorry for the Anger, it’s more to the voices in my head that tell them it’s stupid to do a blog that people read but don’t respond to (supposedly) but also tell me how the hell do I think I can be an artist people should listen to if I don’t post on time for stuff.
So that fuck is more for me than anything.
There is this thing where I try my damndest to do it all. And when I break, I smile, because I broke under great pressure. I try not to yell, to take it out on anyone, or even get mad, I just smile because I did what I did, to the utmost limit, and now, only after I am either too tired, too fucked up, or the first things fail, do I smile and say “Okay time to take a break”
I’ve needed to be thought of myself as having a handicap. I mean other than being overweight most of my life, and shit eyesight, I think I’m rather regular. now, I know I have ADHD. I was part of a comprehensive conversation with my girlfriend who is a school teacher and as we were laying out friends who were definitely on the scale, I thought, “holy shit that’s also me” I dismissed it as just that, people pining to have a condition to blame life’s foibles on, but I in all reality, yeah I janky as fuck.
Then again I have this haptic response to those that are mentally ill and or “on the spectrum”. I write this in quotes, not to be a dick, but because I suspect more and more assholes being on “it” so that we need to put up with their bullshit. Everyone leans on their weakness to get out of doing real life. Of being their own person, of being of worth. So I fume about it and bite my tongue because I know it’s better to behave as an example than to wag a finger. But man do I want to beat some people’s asses at times about it.
Don’t mistake my kindness for weakness.
Seneca reminds us that every person we meet is an opportunity to practice kindness. Imagine if we took even half of those opportunities. What kind of cumulative difference would that end up making? An oceanic amount. Because kindness, big and small, ripples through the world and into eternity.
FWACATA PODCAST S4 EP 03 SHOP TALK: How to continue learning, and not smelling your own farts. A SHOP TALK EPISODE! Jayro, Dan, and I hanging out talking while we draw! We get into art philosophy and farts. You know CLASSY SHIT!
So yes quite the introspective trip I’ve been on. I write this to know better not to make a rule or tell people how to live, but to figure things out myself. Don’t take it as law. But if you offended? Reread the intro.